Moves That Hurt

Moves That Hurt

Some facilitative moves backfire consistently. Knowing them helps you avoid them.

Taking Sides

Even subtle expressions of preference—a nod, a "good point"—can signal that you favor certain views. The group notices.

Instead: Acknowledge contributions neutrally. "Thanks, Sarah" rather than "Great point, Sarah."

Filling Silence

Silence makes facilitators nervous. We rush to fill it. But silence is often where thinking happens.

Instead: Breathe. Count to ten. Let the group work.

Over-Summarizing

Summarizing too much can:

- Impose your frame

- Slow the discussion

- Make it about your understanding

- Miss nuance

Instead: Summarize sparingly, invite correction.

Asking Leading Questions

"Don't you think X?" isn't a real question. It's advocacy disguised as inquiry.

Instead: Genuine open questions. "What's your view on X?"

Rescuing

When someone struggles to articulate, jumping in to help can:

- Shame them

- Put words in their mouth

- Short-circuit their thinking

Instead: Give space. "Take your time." Or: "What's the core of what you're trying to say?"

Going Too Deep Too Fast

Pushing into difficult territory before trust is established can:

- Create defensiveness

- Shut down honesty

- Feel unsafe

Instead: Read the room. Build safety incrementally.

Making It About You

Sharing your experiences, opinions, or stories too much shifts focus from the group.

Instead: Remember: you're serving them. Your story is rarely the point.

Not Intervening When Needed

"Holding space" doesn't mean tolerating harm:

- One person dominating

- Someone being attacked

- Ground rules being violated

Instead: Intervene on process. "I want to make sure everyone gets space." "Let's pause and check on our agreements."